The Choice

by: Michael McLean; excerpt from:"From God's Arms To My Arms To Yours"
Photography by Melissa L Jensen ~ please do not use without permission

When you think about it, adoption is as much a miracle as birth itself.  Maybe more so, when you consider that for everyone involved it starts from a place of impossible choices:  nearly unbearable fear, haunting doubts, interspersed with glimpses of hope brought into partial focus only when seen through the lens of unselfishness.  And at the moment of heartbreaking courage, when a selfless choice is made, there are absolutely no guarantees...well, maybe one: that every conceivable outcome of the journey had been imagined in sleepless nights and endless days.  Still, in spite of all who would say it's beyond possibility that hope or peace or joy could be found, it is.

Back in Hawaii

We are finally almost all the way moved.  We had our things packed up on June 14th and have been living in hotels and the houses of our family and friends ever since.  We finally made it to our new home in Oahu on Friday and we are so grateful to be here!  We don't have any of our things yet...beds, couches, dishes...but we have a home, air mattresses, borrowed pots and pans, and each other so life is great!  We will be calling our adoption worker this week sometime and setting up a time to meet with her.  She is the sweetest lady and we are glad to be able to work with her again.

I have been having a hard time with knowing what to do next.  It seems that as our children are getting older, my desires to adopt an infant are getting smaller.  I still think that it is a route we could go, but I have been thinking more about a foster/adoption situation with an older child...which I have previously been "scared" of.  It really isn't up to me...seeing as we do not have the capabilities to create another child, but I have had recent confirmations that we do still have another child waiting to be part of our family.  I continue to pray for the many women in the world who find themselves unexpectedly pregnant and unsure of what paths they should choose.  I don't think adoption is meant for every unplanned pregnancy, but I do believe that many more girls/women would choose adoption if they knew what an amazing thing open adoption is.  I may not have the option for an open adoption if we decide to pursue a foster/adoption, but I still think that is the best option for infant placements.

God bless you!
MJ

The Climb

Photography by Melissa L Jensen ~ please do not use without permission

I can almost see it

That dream I am dreaming

But there's a voice inside my head saying

"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking

Every move I make feels

Lost with no direction

My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying

Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be a uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing

The chances I'm taking

Sometimes might knock me down

But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it

But these are the moments that

I'm gonna remember most, yeah

Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong

Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be a uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb, yeah!

I'm not a fan of Hannah Montana.

I've never seen an episode of the show 

I didn't see the movie, but...

I

LOVE

THIS

SONG!

  I think it says a lot about life

It could be applied to waiting in an adoption

Or it could be a song for birth families

Mostly this song helps me remember that in order to appreciate and savor the good things in life we have to know what the struggles feel like.  Our lives weren't meant to be a leisurely stroll.  Sometimes we are given speed bumps, just enough to get us to slow down for a moment, and then we are on our way again.  Other times we are given hills.  They definitely take more time than a speed bump to overcome, but most of us can navigate a hill in stride.  Then there are times in our lives that we are faced with an entire mountain.

Can't go under it...

Can't go around it...

Can't go through it...

We just have to take one step at a time

and climb it, to get to where we are headed.  

I am grateful for the mountains.

I surely wouldn't ask for any in my life

...but I can see how climbing the mountain can 

make me a stronger person in the future.

Rearranging and changes

Photography by Melissa L Jensen ~ please do not use without permission

I am going to try something new with our adoption blog.  I learned how to create "pages" recently, so now all of our adoption profile information is located at the top of the blog (just under the picture).  We are still very interested in an open adoption and this spot will be for journaling now instead of a dormant profile. =)

We will be living in Alaska for four more weeks, and then the Coast Guard is transferring us to Honolulu, HI.  We weren't expecting to be moving so soon, and we sure weren't expecting to be transferred back to Hawaii!!  We are getting more excited about returning.  We lived on the island of Maui for three years, and this time we will be living on the island of Oahu.  We have been blessed to live in many beautiful places in the world.  Alaska is amazing with it's raw, natural beauty.  We live among glaciers and mountains, with eagles, ravens, bears, halibut, and salmon.  It is also very beautiful and green here.  We love living in Southeast Alaska and plan on settling here when our time with the Coast Guard is over.

Hawaii on the other hand is truly paradise.  Besides the gorgeous beaches, palm trees, and perfect weather...the people of Hawaii are the most loving people we have ever had the experience of knowing.  We're so thankful we were able to experience the love and aloha of the island of Maui and we will forever be grateful for the time that we had there.  People have asked us which place we like more...and it is hard to say.  We have loved living in both of these areas.  It's really hard to choose a favorite.

Now a little about adoption...

We still feel the pull of our 5th child...telling us to be patient and not to forget about him/her.  We started our paperwork in Nov. 2006.  Our worker told us it would be a long wait.  She told us to be positive, but that families with more than two children usually had to wait a lot longer than those with one or no children.  We are letting the Lord guide us in this adventure.  He helps us to not get too discouraged.